“It’s okay to fail,” Science grad reflects on the lessons he’s learned by embracing his failures

iSCI graduate Connor McLean is an exceptional student who during his undergrad, struggled with feelings of failure, self-doubt and depression that, at times, overwhelmed him. Now he wants other students to know that it’s ok not to be okay.

By any measure, Connor MacLean is an exceptional student.

This week, he graduates from McMaster’s Integrated Sciences Program with a minor in Sustainability, having earned an 11.4 cumulative average.

He has been an active student leader, taking on many roles within the MSU, and serving as president of the McMaster Science Society. He has a passion for communications, videography, photography and design, and has worked as a communications intern and assistant across campus.

But earlier this year, faced with intense pressure and high personal expectations, he struggled with failure, feelings of self-doubt and depression which, at times, overwhelmed him. Now, he wants other students to know that it’s okay to fail and that it’s ok not to be okay:

There is no doubt that my time at McMaster has been filled with some of the fondest memories that I will forever cherish. I’ve made some of my best friends in the world and have been afforded some incredible opportunities on this campus. Attending McMaster has taught me lessons that I’ll be able to apply in every aspect of my life, but the most important and difficult lesson I’ve learned is value of failure.

We all know that university wasn’t just a walk in the park; the process of getting this degree has been filled with some of the lowest of lows. The failures, mistakes, struggles, and challenges we faced made the good times even more valuable, even if we couldn’t see it at the time. We made it through these tough times, and while we may think of these experiences as times we’d like to forget, we may not be here today had it not been for those lows.

For as long as I can recall, I have always wanted to be a person who leaves a positive impact on others – a person who is strong and can support others along the way. I’ve always strived for perfection in every project I was part of, to the point of being relentless in my pursuit of endless opportunities to grow, learn, and help others.

Image of Connor McLean takien I silhouette in University Hall.
Image of Connor MacLean, taken in University Hall this past term for his article, “It’s okay not to be okay.”

As time passed though, I felt as though people expected me to be the person who knew what I was doing and could handle any stress that came my way. I had no room to slip up and I couldn’t let anyone down, including my own unrealistic high standards.

Against the backdrop of university life, every time I failed at something, it took a toll on my mental health – from multiple rejections from a position I so badly wanted, to the end of a valued friendship, to constant reminders that I wasn’t in the right academic program, I didn’t deal with my shortcomings and I hid them away. I was struggling on the inside but felt as though I couldn’t tell anyone about it.

After carrying on this facade for years, it came crashing down in my fourth year.

I realized that I could no longer pretend that I am fine. I was depressed because I hadn’t learned to accept my own failures and be at peace with not being perfect. The weight of my own expectations was too much to bear anymore. When I finally faced all of the negativity I had hid away, it was extremely difficult. At certain points, it was so overwhelming that I didn’t think I could handle it.

Finally, I reached out for help from friends and professors. They helped me learn to accept the fact that it’s okay not to be okay and it’s okay to fail in life. It took me months to reflect and recover to a point where I felt as though I could continue my schooling and extra-curriculars. I had patient friends and professors that fully embodied how to properly support someone with a mental illness, and I am so grateful for all of them.

As I’ve moved forward in my life, I’ve learned to embrace failure and learn from it instead. I’ve been able to give myself permission to be upset when I fail and to accept when my mental health isn’t great because of it. I understand when I need to take time to do nothing, how I become motivated, and how to overcome adversity.

Now, I always take a moment to reflect and ask myself, what did I learn in the process and how can I help someone else in a similar situation? The answers to these questions have given me a deeper appreciation of my own failures, and I have realized I am here graduating today because of them.

I wouldn’t change anything from my university experience because I believe I needed to learn more about myself in this way. Failing is one of the greatest things we do as humans, because it teaches us about ourselves and the world around us. It gives us direction towards our own ambitions and guides us towards the betterment of society as a whole. So, learn to accept your failures, embrace how you’re feeling, and take those lessons forward with you.

To anyone else that is having a difficult time in university, with their personal life, or with life in general, remember that it is okay to fail, and it is okay to not be okay.

 

 

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