‘It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself you’re fine – you’re not’
Kristen is the sort of person who likes to handle things herself.
“I always believed I could do everything on my own. That’s just the way I am – I’m stubborn like that,” she says.
So when the second year English student, who asked that her real name not be used in this story, arrived for her first class at McMaster, she figured she could handle her severe anxiety issues by herself.
“I forced myself to talk to the people in my classes,” she says. “And I would try to tell myself that, despite what I thought, everyone wasn’t staring at me when I walked into a room.”
Despite her best efforts, however, Kristen couldn’t shake the feeling that she lived under a spotlight – that people were always staring at her and judging her.
The stress of it all finally came to a head at the end of her first year. She broke down, and her mother stepped in.
“She made me get help,” says Kristen. “I thought I could handle things on my own, but I was at the point where I just couldn’t.”
Kristen saw a counselor at McMaster’s Wellness Centre throughout the summer and says the sessions helped her immensely – despite her initial hesitations.
“I had to accept that I needed help, that I would have to trust my story to other people,” she says. “But even as I was sitting in the waiting room, I felt anxious. I wouldn’t look up from my phone, I wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone, because I felt like everyone was judging me – even though I knew there were other people there for the exact same reasons.”
Kristen admits she probably never would have gotten help if it weren’t for her mother.
“But if you don’t get help, it’s going to affect you for the rest of your life. You’ll never be happy, and you’ll keep having problems. Mental illness is something you have to work through. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself you’re fine, you’re not.”
Although she first found it hard to open up to a counselor, Kristen says the sessions helped her immensely.
“I spent so many years obsessing and crying, and I don’t want to do that all over again, but if I want to live the life I’ve always wanted, I need to accept what’s happened. Counseling is something I’m glad I did, because it really did help me in the end.”
That’s the message staff at the Student Wellness Centre want all students to hear.
“If you’re struggling with things, you need to reach out and connect with us or any of the other services that can help you,” says Catharine Munn, chief psychiatrist at the Wellness Centre. “We want to help you – that’s what we’re here for.”
Munn helped lead the development of McMaster’s recently-announced Student Mental Health and Well-Being Strategy, which outlines how the University can continue to improve its approach to what are often unseen disabilities.
“We know there are lots of ways for us to improve what we do – from a more standardized approach to assisting students in need to better training for staff and faculty. That’s why we felt it was so important to formalize our strategy.”
